k......

to whoever know wat happened.. and cares....

i am sorry for wat i hv done.. sry for letting you guys down...

but i really didn't mean to hurt any one...

i know you guys wont believe me.... or probably dont even want to listen....

but.. plz... let me protect wat i think it important ........

it's not abt her... more like.. i want to protect something that has made me happy... something that is imp to me......

wish me luck......

to mic and ant

um.... haha when did we become so distant....

haha you two know more than everyone else....... damn it.. i should start to keep some secrets...

bros....... respect me one more time k?

ur little bro need ur support.....

i know you guys can give me a whole lecture abt wat i did wrong.... but it wont matter..

after all these yrs.. i know better than u guys do....

but.. i just cant play by the rule .......

i changed.. ever after anika and usion... it's different....

3-1... u guys will make it far... further than i can ever get.......

sh..... not cuz u r better... cuz u hv more time baka

um..... again.....

if i will get hurt.. i want to be hit hard.... hard enough to not wake up again...

u know wat i mean.. and u know i am serious.....

to anika

um~~~

if u r by my side..... i wonder wat it will be like.....

i miss u~~~

u r always smart and know exactly wat to do....

teach me.. one more time....

ha.... i donno if u will be jealous again...

i can never tell anyways

i will join u soon.... but before that.... ha u wanna see ur babe happy too rt?

to xuan...

i didn't know u can find me...

~ ha... thx... it was a lot of fun to meet you and get to know you....

feels like great frds...

but... it has to end...

sry to lite the fire............

go on... it's better without

to angie...

damn it... i saved you to be the last again.....

i am not avoidng you... just dont know wat to say... how to face you

it hurts to hear you fake laugh over the phone.....

.... forgive me for being a coward..... haha norm is still ur little bro...... like when we first met....

i donno if i still hv the right to ask to be ur frd.....but... if u need me... watever.. wenever...

i will be there...

to... hsuan........

um..... i am speechless..........

donno if u will ever read this.....

donno wat will happen...

donno if u r serious...

donno how am i gonna get hurt this time....

arh.... it feels so different now... when i came across all the letters and msgs u sent me earlier....

sigh.....

babe..... i still love you....

if i am gonna get hurt anyways... i will only give you the right to do it

u r always trying to avoid say it...

ha.. but.... u know i will always love you...

remember... u always told me u dont trust me....... ha

i really wanna go back......

still confused....... still dont know wat am i doing.........

cant really sleep these days..... i mean how can u sleep next to someone while you really love her but she's not sure abt it any more..... and feel aiite?......

i donno wat I want any more... maybe it's time to go back? back to the life i used to enjoy? i dont hv much time left anyways......

maybe..... i should adopt my frds' view...
fuck love... it's not logical or snesible anyways........

i've done that......... dont want to do it again... probabl will start hate myself again...

oh well..... damn it... it's just cuz.... i cant...... cant..... cant stand the lonliness by myself....

anita & xuan... u hear me? i wish u r by my side...
this time... i am really helpless.... i dont think i can make it on my own anymore.....

i dont know wat am i doing...

this might  be wrong..... and i know def i will be hurt.....

yet i still can't let go...

i know it doesn't sound like me..... but i can't help it.....

can i make it? i donno..
how hard it's gonna be? i donno...
is it worth it? i donno neither.....

i thought i was doing everything for a cause... for a reason..
but everything just collapse in front of me in a fraction of a second......... all hte effort... and joy, pain, ... become completly meaningless......

i dont know if i will like my decision a year later... a month later or even a day later...........
but as i told ant... it wont really matter... i hv never liked myself... and i dont mind to mess up one more time.....

i donno wat to do... donno wat am i talking abt... i guess i will just let if flow....

may god be with me....